Capture. Create. Relate.

I’ve cracked.

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 17:03:00 -0400

I’ve cracked.

Captain's Log Entry #455: Lost at Sea at Twenty-Three

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 18:47:00 -0400

When people said that the years between 20 and 30 were some of the most confusing and hard years of one young adult’s life, I sincerely thought I was exempt from this.

But good LORD was I wrong! Haha.

How was I wrong? Well let me tell you:

How the hell could any sane person possibly think that getting through the 20’s without feeling the burn and consequences of their actions? How could any one person possibly think that they have themselves figured out in their 20’s and that it would be easy? Furthermore, how could anybody think that that’s even OKAY?

To truly believe that you can coast through life changes like: moving, school, sustaining/developing/maintaining both friendly and romantic relationships, occupation, etc. is actually crazy. And let me tell you, I’ve been feeling pretty darn crazy because I actually believed that I could get through all of the above. And not only that, but I believed I could get through all of the above without the help of anything but my own ALREADY delusional thoughts towards those matters.

The gist of this post is this:

I’m crazy

I’m kidding, it’s actually that I’ve realized this:

I thought very highly of myself as somebody who knew what was going on, was put-together, knew what I wanted, knew how to deal with issues, and (I couldn’t be more wrong) that I could deal with it on my own.

Buuut I’m actually this:

I am a young 23 year old woman who is moving to a new city in September and that TERRIFIES me
I am starting ANOTHER undergrad towards something that I hope will lead me somewhere but am scared it won’t because I’m scared of everything and really don’t think I can get where I want to be
I confuse “independence” with being able to solve problems and maintain my own emotional and mental health alone, when, in reality, that’s actually like, totally impossible. Totes
I have no idea what i’m doing and am working on trusting that everyone close to me cares about me much more than I feel like I deserve in my own head, and that they are there for me even when I feel like I’m sort of falling apart every two days (and by “sort of” I mean like, actually though)
I get caught up in my delusions that a perfect life is one without problems, when that only means you’re not growing in any way at all
I say “sorry” too much (Reminder: It’s not your fault if someone bumps into you on the street)
I’m shockingly emotional (I thought I got over that part of me in high school, haha)

Being in the 20’s is hard! And I know I have it easy compared to the next person, but Jesus Christ, that only means I have a lot to work on if I think life’s hard right now haha, but at least I’m aware.

I’ve become a person that people go to with problems and I help them work out their issues (ironic) and I’ve noticed something:

No one is ever content with just being happy. There’s always something that people are preparing themselves for, and it’s always the worst case scenario. It’s good to be cautious, but what was once “all for one and one for all” becomes “every man for himself” and then the walls come up. People become so fixated on maintaining happiness that they forget that happiness just comes naturally and should always be natural. It shouldn’t be something that needs to be constantly consciously fostered, but something that just comes and grows and everything works out anyways when you’re just being exactly how you are. People are funny like that. We’re social animals, yet we can be so guarded sometimes.

Anyways, these are just observations and I haven’t self reflected in a while. Sometimes it’s good to realize you’re not king shit in any way, shape or form, and that you aren’t and should never feel alone or have to apologize for being a 23 year old gal who is trying to grow up with her head on straight. And I also thank those for helping me realize these things.

I feel much better! (Insert cute emoji here)

In other news: Yesterday, all I ate was pizza, donuts and drank beer. I still feel like a Large Marge.

I wasn’t going to post this but I think I will: I just ate a whole bag of miss vickie’s original chips.

Video

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:33:54 -0500

infinite-wildlife: behind the scenes-Alex Honnold

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:32:51 -0500

infinite-wildlife:

behind the scenes-Alex Honnold

Alex Honnold. King of free soloing.

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:31:27 -0500

Alex Honnold. King of free soloing.

Reminiscing

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 16:40:34 -0500

So I spent a hour or so skimming through old tumblr posts and it amazes me how much a person could change over the course of a year. To be honest, it kind of made me sad to see the posts documenting all of those special memories. I posted so much in such detail that I could almost remember exactly what I was feeling or really thinking when I wrote everything that I did. It really brings me back to those moments and makes me feel very fortunate that I got to experience them but, at the same time, makes me realize how different things are.

Now this isn’t to say that I’m unhappy, because that is most definitely not the case at all, whatsoever. I’m feeling more balanced in my current state than I’ve ever been and more excited about the future than I’ve ever felt. Truth.

But I remember Kieran and I talking about how things would never be the same. I could quote her on this because I’ve thought about it almost everyday for the three months following these changes, and then at least 3 times a month following. She said “Nothing will ever be the same after this summer. even if we’re all together as a group, everyone will have lived their own lives for long enough that we won’t have nights like Craven Haven back, or those nights at Babylon” Kieran and I have literally brought up all of our amazing memories every time we hungout for months after. I remember saying to her, “I think I only just got over our summer” and that was probably in March that I said that. Haha.

Which summer was this? Oh, the summer nights that brought you the classic:

Glad I Went Out for Pho

Craven Haven [Part One]

Craven Haven [Part Two]

Oh … And I guess a lot of things in between that I never wrote about because we all got followed up with at work about keeping our social life less public …

But this doesn’t even apply just to that summer. There are many fond moments:

Grad Show Countdown/Freakout
Winning an Award
Getting Tattooed
Getting my Studio
Going to NYC (solo)
Vague Self-Depricting Posts … (actually don’t know what this is about)
Pho with Kieran (all of the times)
That time I botched my notes due to fatigue
That time I went to Thermodynamics II instead of my psych class
The days of healthy hands and long nails (pre-rock climbing)

And then all those damn posts lead into other memories I have surrounding those documented. Hanging out with Claire (who is gone to Nelson), hanging with Jaimie, Brit and Kristen (who are all in Korea), hanging out with Nicki (who is in Berlin) … See what I mean? Each member of these wonderful dynamics are spread across the world!

However, you know who your real pals are if you still manage to keep in touch despite the time zones. And I’ve actually managed to keep in touch with every single person I’ve written about on this blog. It’s nice that friendships remain beyond these group dynamics.

I’m a lucky gal.

Sidenote: I just ate my own weight in spring rolls and I feel so uncomfortable right now!

Too much fun

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 22:22:24 -0500

First of all, let me say that I had the best New Year’s celebration in the history of my existence. I truly mean it. I am so, so grateful to have had the chance to spend it with all of the most important people in my life. My boyfriend and I literally had a million types of New Year’s celebrations in one day.

Celebration #1: The At-Home Couple

After my long and frustrating work day, I grabbed a 6 pack of Hoegaarden and brought it back to my boyfriend’s place where we drank, listened to music and played Super Mario

Celebration #2: The Small and Classy Get-Together

After Celebration #1, we went over to Katie and Ryan’s place where we continued to drink as an intimate double-dater and watched youtube videos and talked about everything and nothing. I love those two. I don’t know what I would ever do without them.

Celebration #3: The Kegger

Sandy Hill kegger? Who says it stops after university? Kyle and I caught a bus and made our way to a kegger to meet up with two of our closest friends and see some pleasant familiar faces. I got to meet a lot of cool people and managed to NOT die from a potentially fatal cocktail containing amaretto, and got to take a few actual PHYSICAL photos home with me. Yeah, the kind that’s printed out.

Celebration #4: The Jail Party

Probably one of the highlights of my night was going to Kyle’s place of work to celebrate with some hostellers and his co-workers in the hostel bar, Mugshots. His friends, Tyler and David, were Djing and it was so much fun. I could have danced down there forever with Kyle (we’re kind of really good at it). We stayed there until a bit after the countdown and managed to squeeze in a ton of hugs, a bit of small talk and (screw celebrating a new year, my countdown was in anticipation for this) a great New Year’s kiss with the greatest guy I’ve had in my life.

Then we booked it

Celebration #5: The Dirty, Dirty, Wall-humping, Shot-taking, Vom-Inducing Bar party

This is another moment that I had been anticipating for a long time: The moment where Kyle gets to finally meet the rest of my closest friends. What better place to meet these people than at their late-night nesting place? RITUAL! So, I can say with confidence that DJ is one of my most closest, genuine, amazing friends that I have. DJ has seen me through so many phases of my life, and I for her as well. And yet, in spite of these changes, we’ve still remained super close.

Anyways

So Tarek (DJ’s beau) let Kyle and I in for free since I hadn’t seen DJ in weeks since she hiked up her skirt and went to Toronto. Upon entering, well, the title of this celebration says it all. Kyle got to finally meet the rest of my pals (drunk or not, it counts!) and my beloved Carole-Anne, who proceeded to tell Kyle in the nicest and most aggressive way possible that she already knew “so much” about him. And something along the lines of “if you think that I don’t know anything that’s been going on between you and Krisha within the past month, you’re wrong, because I know it all” how? Because sweet Carole went on about how we talked about my relationship for “like, 30mins” over breakfast one day. Haha. Oh, and she took a photo of him and I together. Hah! I love her. No one on this planet could make anyone feel as special as Carole can. That girl is effervescent and gets excited about everything. I think she’s probably mine and Kyle’s number 1 fan and she’s got the shirts, foam hands and autographed photos to prove it. Seriously, probably.

Don’t even get me started on how much she loves Justin Bieber.
_____

So that was my New Year’s and I would not have had it any other way. What more could you want than all that? We didn’t even go crazy with the drinking and it was absolutely perfect. After all of that, we went to the Quickie and got food for that night and the next morning. What did we choose as our first meal of 2013? Why, Kraft Dinner and Pizza Pockets, of course! And what was our first movie of 2013? Kinda, sorta, Goodfellas … Only somewhat, because we both fell asleep partway through.

Hope your New Year’s was as grand as mine.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 12:03:13 -0500

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

fuckyeahtattoos: My new tattoo by Cole Pittman at Trilogy in...

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 23:03:50 -0400

fuckyeahtattoos:

My new tattoo by Cole Pittman at Trilogy in Memphis Tennessee. :] I am absolutely in love with all of his work.

i don’t use my tumblr anymore, really… but i’m just going to stick this on here so i don’t forget who the artist is. kthx.

Update

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 07:34:13 -0400

I feel like I need to update on what has happened to me recently.

So two weeks ago, I was back in NYC visiting my best friend, Alejandro. It was such a blast. When I got there, I went straight to his studio and he gave me a tour of the facilities. I must say, the School of Visual Arts is amazing! The students who go there should consider themselves lucky to have such amazing resources. And those who don’t go there and can still make amazing art, well, consider yourselves extremely talented.

Who, me? You shouldn’t have.

Just kidding.

After that, I went to go see the Shawn Barber show which was such a sight to see. It’s one thing to see a painting online, but a completely different experience to see them in person. The brush strokes, the focus, the colors, the mediums … Incredible. I learned a lot about his painting technique by looking at his paintings. I definitely needed to see them in person and I’m glad I did. Also, I got his latest book! And for $75! And signed! And numbered! Woo! Best purchase.

On my first night, Alejandro introduced me to his hilarious and dear friend, Dan. I had heard so much about Alejandro’s friends that it was really exciting for me to meet them in person. They’re even more awesome than Alejandro had described them to be. Especially Dan. I love Dan. We went to a BK bar and played Jenga, talked about girls, guys, life, art, etc. being around great company made me never want to leave Brooklyn.

The following day, I was quite hungover. I went to grab lunch with Dan and then met up with Alejandro and some other pals to go to the Whitney. I was so exhausted that, shortly after, I went back to my hostel (yeah, the NY Loft Hostel, again) and took a nap. When I woke up, I had only intended to drink a single glass of wine in preparation for another one of my friends to come down and stay with me at my hostel. Needless to say, one glass turned into the whole bottle and I got right wasted with two great girls from Toronto and a guy named Paul from San Fransisco! Paul, by the way, also made me dinner, it was delish. Hahaha. Where did we go after? A karaoke bar, duh! By the time my friend, Nicki, came down, I was so drunk I fell going up some stairs at the hostel. Poor Nicki. I got her drunk though. Drunk enough to get Philly cheese steak sandwiches with me!! Mmm.

Our next day was a hungover blur. We got up, went to the cafe down the street and got coffee and bagels.

Did I mention I only ever ate bagels and sandwiches on my trip? Well I did. And everything was delicious.

Anyways, the next day we explored some of Manhattan and got caught in the rain way too many times. We ended up at the MET where we parked our keesters and drew. This garnered a lot of attention, which the little 6 year old recital hating ballerina in me hated, and the cocky 22 year old artist i am, loved. Eventually, we did something that we had intended to do from the get go.

GET TATTOOS!!!!

Back in November when I was last in Brooklyn, I had stepped into Three Kings Tattoo and got myself a tattoo on my finger. It is now a thing where I get tattooed in Brooklyn so I had to do it again. Nicki has gotten bit by the tattoo bug and wanted to get a heart in her shoulder. I wanted to get an arrow. We didn’t see this connection until it was suggested we may be lesbians. Haha. I drew the heart and we both came up with a final drawing for my arrow. And ta-da! We were inked and it as fabulous. That night we got pretty drunk at Union Pool and danced, danced, danced. And much like how sleep deprived I was going to NYC, I was moreso sleep deprived leaving. For we did not get back until 5AM, did not sleep until 5:30AM, and I had to be out to catch my flight by 7AM.

Ah, the high life. Can’t wait to do it again.

My latest tattoo from BK.

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 07:12:50 -0400

My latest tattoo from BK.

Photo

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 07:08:55 -0400

On the Road Again

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 07:00:18 -0400

So I’m sitting in a Starbucks in downtown Toronto at the moment. I left Ottawa at around 1AM and somehow, deliriously, got into this great city. Where am I going? Why, London, Ontario, of course! Duh! Haha.

Some may remember that around this time last year, I went to visit my friend, Ashley, in her hometown. What ended up happening was a great road trip hitting quaint little places like Sarnia, Collingwood and Toronto. It ended up being so much fun that we’re doing it again! The last time we did it, it was for the purpose of picking things up for her trip to South Korea to teach, but this time it’s all just fun! I’m super stoked. I don’t have a big family at all, so I relish every opportunity to be around the families of friends or boyfriends.

So far throughout this trek to London, I’ve been listening to some music on my iPad. I don’t have much on it because, for some reason, my vast music collection didn’t transfer from my laptop to iPad successfully. But anyways, because my laptop has been on the fritz for so long, I haven’t even had the chance to listen to anything these days (I’m resorting to YouTube and music suggestions from my bf with nothing permanently stored on any computer). Now that I have the opportunity to sit around and listen to my old music, it feels so bizarre. A lot of the songs bring me back to old times and it’s very nostalgic. It can be quite sad but also makes me feel a little good because it only really means I’ve grown up in some way from the moment that that particular song reminds me of, ya know? I like that I can look back and feel something about past events. It’s nice to reminisce about people you once knew, relationships you once had, stupid things you’ve done, or happy moments you’ve had. I feel very detached from so many things that these songs have brought up (both by choice and by no want of my own). But it’s nice because I’m lucky enough to find myself at a much happier place in the present.

Music rules.

Back From the Dead

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 02:40:57 -0400

Hello!

So, I have reached a point in my life, it seems, where I have found myself back on tumblr. Why did I abandon it? Eh, who really knows anymore?

I had been a very, very avid tumblr chick and then abandoned it for the sake of self-discovery away from the public eye, I suppose. I found myself a little overwhelmed with how much I had disclosed about myself and my thoughts on this blog and turned away from it for a bit of clarity.

But never fear! I am back!

What brought me here? Well, many things. For one, my friend, Andy, wrote a little article about me on a blog she writes for Ton Petit Look and had mentioned my humble little tumblr page in the interview. I was extremely touched by the support of my dear friend, and felt that it was time to come back out of the shadows and into the dark, black hole that is tumblr.

Secondly, so much has happened in the past year that I would love to talk about … For another day, of course, it’s 2:30AM for Christ’s sake!

And thirdly, it would appear as if my sad sarcastic way of writing about my life has prompted my friends to demand that I post more for the sake of their own twisted amusement. I don’t know how many times I have gotten criticism for not updating this blog for their morning coffee or their 9-5 work day procrastination purposes, etc. So here I am. I am ready for you “friends”

Like I said, it’s 2:30AM (now 2:36AM) so forgive me while I try to get some shut-eye that I complain constantly about not getting enough of.

I shall return! However, my cynical self is not so cynical anymore. But maybe you’ll get a few laughs from my future posts anyways. After all, in many ways I am still the same ‘ol Krisha. For example: I still love One Direction, I still paint, I still hate that I don’t paint enough (yay!), I still love to travel and take photos, I still love to complain about everything in my life that I deem negative but, in reality, is actually quite normal and good.

Stay tuned for what I like to think is a new Krisha, but is, in fact, just the same old Krisha. You be the judge.

Ta-ta!

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 20:03:53 -0400

Hey!

Okay so today has been a day of bittersweetness.

First off, guess who finished her last paper of her undergraduate career? ME! Yeah bitches. The bird is taking flight, the cat is out of the bag, the rabbit is in the hole, the eagle has landed, and other nonsensical things!!! SO happy! It was a research paper for my psych class too, so I was completely out of my element. However, I must say that my paper is lookin’ pretty good. I don’t know if it’s because the format of a psych paper is so much more formal than an art history paper, or if because I’m just smart and I’m able of writing smart things … But it looks great! Great enough for at least a B, I’d say. And then I can maintain my good enough marks!

GOOD ENOUGH MARKS

Okay, now for the bitterness. I just emailed the lady in charge of The Rectory and told her I would not be renewing my lease. I got a little bit of a stabbing sensation in my stomach, heart, head and eyeballs, followed by a tingling sensation in my hands, mild seizure, and subsequent cardiac arrest.

And then I was okay with it.

BUT THEN. I got a response saying how she was sad to have me go, appreciative of the massive 3 month notice … And then a request to have a viewing of my studio next week.

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

So now I’m feeling pretty territorial and sad all at the same time. I want to, either, throw animal’s blood all over the walls of my studio for the viewing as a warning to any who may try and take my space, or clean it up all nice and pretty and place cookies and tea on my table for the visitors.

LACED WITH POISON.

Just kidding.

But really. I was so proud of this studio space being mine, but it doesn’t make sense for me to keep it right now. No. I’m set on having a break from the guilt of not being in the space and the forced production of works. I need a break. Also, if I plan to travel, then what the hell am I going to do with it? Right?

Anyways. Fuck guys, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. I’ve been a lazy little hoe. My camera ran out of batter power and I can’t find my charger (again) so I haven’t been able to post pretty pictures. Ugh my life!!!! But don’t worry. I’ll get back on it. I must!!

Oh, in lighter news: I bought a chalk bag and some chalk for rock climbing and I’ve been back in the gym without any complications. Woo!

Oh so inexplicably bummed out today.

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 16:11:11 -0400

Oh so inexplicably bummed out today.

Well Well Well

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 20:37:00 -0400

Okay, I admit.

For reasons unknown, I have been avoiding tumblr.
For reasons unknown, I haven’t even been inclined to browse on tumblr.
For reasons unknown, I hated tumblr.
For reasons unknown, I have almost deleted my tumblr.

I really don’t know what started this … Something about the idea of people reading and being entertained by my tumblr at my expense crossed my mind. I think I just didn’t want to expose my life on this anymore.

But I don’t think that’s all.

I also started this tumblr to show my art and stuff, right? Well I’ve been back and forth about the idea of me and my studio and my art … And I’ve decided to just take a break. Painting hasn’t been fun for me lately. I won’t say “anymore” because it does serve me well mentally and emotionally, but lately I’ve just disliked it. I don’t like painting right now. I don’t like being forced to sit down and paint in my studio. I love my studio-mates but I don’t like talking to them about how busy I am in life and trying to make excuses as to why they never see me.

For a while I started to feel guilty about not being there enough. I also felt a little disappointed in myself that the studio hasn’t prompted some sort of magnificent post-academic painting epiphany and made me the avid, motivated painter that I wished to be. Instead, the studio has been primarily a home of stress.

With that said, I’m leaving it behind. I’m not going to renew my lease on the studio and I’m going to take a break. I don’t know what I was thinking would happen to me after 4 years of fine arts, but painting right now isn’t something I am looking to do. I thought I wanted to do a masters sooner than later, but I’m definitely wrong. I’m burnt out and I don’t know what I want anymore. All I know is that I want out of my studio for a bit.

This doesn’t mean I’ll stop painting, but It’ll help it become less of a chore and more of something that I enjoy on my own time. I was learning in psychology about a term called “flow” and it’s when you are so engrossed with something that you’re relaxed, time goes by so fast, and you feel so good about the process that the end result doesn’t matter. Painting and drawing does that to me, but not when it’s forced.

Also, my doctor told me that I need to wind down and take it easy and to not let stress get the best of me because it’s making me legit freak out. So i’ll cut out the studio, have more time and money to rock climb, do yoga, exercise, travel, and all that lame-brain outdoorsy stuff. My lease is up in July, and after moping about it for months, I’m finally happy with this decision!

Hello tumblr; hello throwing 4 years of fine art out the window!

Kidding.

The extent of my St. Patty’s Day contribution.

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 18:56:00 -0400

The extent of my St. Patty’s Day contribution.

"Creative individuals, as compared with controls, were more neurotic"

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 14:10:17 -0400

“Creative individuals, as compared with controls, were more neurotic”

Hey Guys

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 20:15:00 -0400

Man, I’m so sorry. I’ve been so MIA from my blog for such a long time! Actually, I’ve been MIA from tumblr in general. I guess I just got so preoccupied with other things.

I have two assignments due next week and one paper due on the fourth. I’ve already finished one assignment and just got approval on the other one. I’ve also been trying to keep on top of my readings as I now have to go to the library to do them haha. So you can see that a lot of things have been a touch out of my control with the meetings with professors, library times, etc.

However, I can update you and say that yesterday I went to Montreal with my friend Nadia! It was a last minute trip but we had so much fun. We met up at 630AM and then caught the 7AM bus. I hardly got any sleep because I was both feeling like shit and really excited! Haha.

So when we got there we had some breakfast and then just walked all the way down St.Catherine’s. We did they typical Simon’s, Urban Outfitters, Little Burgundy, Holt Renfrew, Brown’s kinda thing and I bought a ton of cool things that I can’t wait to share with you! I also bumped into my friend, Alex (aka, Ah-lexe) and we got to chit chat in Urban Outfitters. Woop! Happy encounter.

Anyways I’m still so exhausted and have to get on some school work, but I’ll be back soon.

xox